Why Identify?
Being ‘gay’ allows for a transformation of capital importance in the subjective and collective trajectories of the subjects that we are looking at. It allows people to move from traditional, fundamentally derogatory exclusionary identities to others that have better connotations, with elements of pride and self-affirmation and not only abjection. This is the step from ‘faggot’ to ‘gay’… (Parrini and Amuchastegui, 2008, p 185).
A similar process is happening with transgender issues. In the past, people would disappear into their gender world, but with more children coming out (who cannot go "stealth" because they cannot have the surgery until they are 18), there is a growing presence of transkids. This is depicted well by Jazz (below).
Being ‘gay’ allows for a transformation of capital importance in the subjective and collective trajectories of the subjects that we are looking at. It allows people to move from traditional, fundamentally derogatory exclusionary identities to others that have better connotations, with elements of pride and self-affirmation and not only abjection. This is the step from ‘faggot’ to ‘gay’… (Parrini and Amuchastegui, 2008, p 185).
A similar process is happening with transgender issues. In the past, people would disappear into their gender world, but with more children coming out (who cannot go "stealth" because they cannot have the surgery until they are 18), there is a growing presence of transkids. This is depicted well by Jazz (below).
Fluidity
Bisexuals are unlikely to move toward being strictly gay or lesbian.
Most gay individuals will try “straight” dating. Not because they feel sexually attracted to the other sex, but because it is so much easier to date in socially approved ways.
Labels change over time. People who say they are entirely “straight” may have stories of “experimentation.”
Gender fluidity is also becoming more common, where individuals refuse to live according to either male or female roles.
Bisexuals are unlikely to move toward being strictly gay or lesbian.
Most gay individuals will try “straight” dating. Not because they feel sexually attracted to the other sex, but because it is so much easier to date in socially approved ways.
Labels change over time. People who say they are entirely “straight” may have stories of “experimentation.”
Gender fluidity is also becoming more common, where individuals refuse to live according to either male or female roles.
Gay and Lesbian Identity Development Model (Cass Identity Model)
COMING OUT is a life – long process of exploring one’s sexual orientation and Gay / Lesbian identity and sharing it with family, friends, co-workers and the world. It is one of the most significant developmental processes in the lives of LGBT people. Coming Out is about recognizing, accepting, expressing and sharing ones’ sexual orientation with oneself and others.
Stage 1: Identity Confusion
This is the "Who am I?" stage associated with the feeling that one is different from peers, accompanied by a growing sense of personal alienation. The person begins to be conscious of same-sex feelings or behaviors and to label them as such. It is rare at this stage for the person to disclose inner turmoil to others.
Stage 2: Identity Comparison
This is the rationalization or bargaining stage where the person thinks, "I may be a homosexual, but then again I may be bisexual," "Maybe this is just temporary," or, "My feelings of attraction are simply for just one other person of my own sex and this is a special case." There is a heightened sense of not belonging anywhere with the corresponding feeling that "I am the only one in the world like this."
Stage 3: Identity Tolerance
In this "I probably am" stage, the person begins to contact other lgbt people to counteract feelings of isolation and alienation, but merely tolerates rather than fully accepts a gay or lesbian identity. The feeling of not belonging with heterosexuals becomes stronger.
Positive contacts can have the effect of making other gay and lesbian people appear more significant and more positive to the person at this stage, leading to a more favorable sense of self and a greater commitment to a homosexual self-identity.
Stage 4: "Identity Acceptance"
There is continued and increased contact with other gay and/or lesbian people in this stage, where friendships start to form. The individual thus evaluates other lesbian and gay people more positively and accepts rather than merely tolerates a lesbian or gay self-image. The earlier questions of "Who am I?" and "Where do I belong?" have been answered.
Coping strategies for handling incongruity at this stage include continuing to pass as heterosexual, and limiting contacts with heterosexuals who threaten to increase incongruity (e.g. some family members and/or peers). The person can also selectively disclose a homosexual identity to significant heterosexuals.
Stage 5: "Identity Pride"
This is the "These are my people" stage where the individual develops an awareness of the enormous incongruity that exists between the person's increasingly positive concept of self as lesbian or gay and an awareness of society's rejection of this orientation. The person feels anger at heterosexuals and devalues many of their institutions (e.g. marriage, gender-role structures, etc.) The person discloses her or his identity to more and more people and wishes to be immersed in the gay or lesbian subculture consuming its literature, art, and other forms of culture. For some at this stage, the combination of anger and pride energizes the person into action against perceived homophobia producing an "activist."
Stage 6: "Identity Synthesis"
The intense anger at heterosexuals -- the "them and us" attitude that may be evident in stage 5 -- softens at this stage to reflect a recognition that some heterosexuals are supportive and can be trusted. However, those who are not supportive are further devalued. There remains some anger at the ways that lesbians and gays are treated in this society, but this is less intense. The person retains a deep sense of pride but now comes to perceive less of a dichotomy between the heterosexual and gay and lesbian communities. A lesbian or gay identity becomes an integral and integrated aspect of the individual's complete personality structure.
Adapted from Vivian Cass (1979, 1984, 1990). In Ritter and Terndrup (2002)
Handbook of Affirmative Psychotherapy with Lesbians and Gay Men
COMING OUT is a life – long process of exploring one’s sexual orientation and Gay / Lesbian identity and sharing it with family, friends, co-workers and the world. It is one of the most significant developmental processes in the lives of LGBT people. Coming Out is about recognizing, accepting, expressing and sharing ones’ sexual orientation with oneself and others.
Stage 1: Identity Confusion
This is the "Who am I?" stage associated with the feeling that one is different from peers, accompanied by a growing sense of personal alienation. The person begins to be conscious of same-sex feelings or behaviors and to label them as such. It is rare at this stage for the person to disclose inner turmoil to others.
Stage 2: Identity Comparison
This is the rationalization or bargaining stage where the person thinks, "I may be a homosexual, but then again I may be bisexual," "Maybe this is just temporary," or, "My feelings of attraction are simply for just one other person of my own sex and this is a special case." There is a heightened sense of not belonging anywhere with the corresponding feeling that "I am the only one in the world like this."
Stage 3: Identity Tolerance
In this "I probably am" stage, the person begins to contact other lgbt people to counteract feelings of isolation and alienation, but merely tolerates rather than fully accepts a gay or lesbian identity. The feeling of not belonging with heterosexuals becomes stronger.
Positive contacts can have the effect of making other gay and lesbian people appear more significant and more positive to the person at this stage, leading to a more favorable sense of self and a greater commitment to a homosexual self-identity.
Stage 4: "Identity Acceptance"
There is continued and increased contact with other gay and/or lesbian people in this stage, where friendships start to form. The individual thus evaluates other lesbian and gay people more positively and accepts rather than merely tolerates a lesbian or gay self-image. The earlier questions of "Who am I?" and "Where do I belong?" have been answered.
Coping strategies for handling incongruity at this stage include continuing to pass as heterosexual, and limiting contacts with heterosexuals who threaten to increase incongruity (e.g. some family members and/or peers). The person can also selectively disclose a homosexual identity to significant heterosexuals.
Stage 5: "Identity Pride"
This is the "These are my people" stage where the individual develops an awareness of the enormous incongruity that exists between the person's increasingly positive concept of self as lesbian or gay and an awareness of society's rejection of this orientation. The person feels anger at heterosexuals and devalues many of their institutions (e.g. marriage, gender-role structures, etc.) The person discloses her or his identity to more and more people and wishes to be immersed in the gay or lesbian subculture consuming its literature, art, and other forms of culture. For some at this stage, the combination of anger and pride energizes the person into action against perceived homophobia producing an "activist."
Stage 6: "Identity Synthesis"
The intense anger at heterosexuals -- the "them and us" attitude that may be evident in stage 5 -- softens at this stage to reflect a recognition that some heterosexuals are supportive and can be trusted. However, those who are not supportive are further devalued. There remains some anger at the ways that lesbians and gays are treated in this society, but this is less intense. The person retains a deep sense of pride but now comes to perceive less of a dichotomy between the heterosexual and gay and lesbian communities. A lesbian or gay identity becomes an integral and integrated aspect of the individual's complete personality structure.
Adapted from Vivian Cass (1979, 1984, 1990). In Ritter and Terndrup (2002)
Handbook of Affirmative Psychotherapy with Lesbians and Gay Men
This section is from http://www.actforyouth.net/resources/rf/rf_trans-identity_0308.cfm
There is ample research exploring childhood cross-gender behaviors; however, explorations of cross-gender identities are less common. Research is only beginning to tell the story of what it's like growing up transgender in a gender-fixed world.
Recent developmental explorations of transgender identities suggest that trans people typically go through a process of dissonance, exploration, and disclosures that, when successful, leads to identity resolution. Feelings of difference may begin in early childhood; some individuals remember first feeling that something was "wrong" or out of sync between the body and mind as early as age three. Other children experience mind-body discord as late as age 12 or 13, prompted by unwanted physical changes during puberty.
Following initial feelings of gender dissonance, transgender individuals typically experience a period of identity confusion and exploration. This may be a time of excitement and struggle as the person seeks to develop a sense of true self while balancing feelings of guilt and shame, pressures to conform, and the need for secrecy. Sexuality and appearance become arenas for exploring gender identity. Individuals may adopt social modifications such as using cross-gender pronouns or gender-neutral names; other strategies include immersion in transgender communities and disclosures about being transgender (Grossman & D'Augelli, 2006; Pardo, 2008).
Identity development is successful and complete when the individual achieves a stable, healthy sense of self.
There is ample research exploring childhood cross-gender behaviors; however, explorations of cross-gender identities are less common. Research is only beginning to tell the story of what it's like growing up transgender in a gender-fixed world.
Recent developmental explorations of transgender identities suggest that trans people typically go through a process of dissonance, exploration, and disclosures that, when successful, leads to identity resolution. Feelings of difference may begin in early childhood; some individuals remember first feeling that something was "wrong" or out of sync between the body and mind as early as age three. Other children experience mind-body discord as late as age 12 or 13, prompted by unwanted physical changes during puberty.
Following initial feelings of gender dissonance, transgender individuals typically experience a period of identity confusion and exploration. This may be a time of excitement and struggle as the person seeks to develop a sense of true self while balancing feelings of guilt and shame, pressures to conform, and the need for secrecy. Sexuality and appearance become arenas for exploring gender identity. Individuals may adopt social modifications such as using cross-gender pronouns or gender-neutral names; other strategies include immersion in transgender communities and disclosures about being transgender (Grossman & D'Augelli, 2006; Pardo, 2008).
Identity development is successful and complete when the individual achieves a stable, healthy sense of self.
Costs of coming out
A 17-year-old gay male was playing guitar for his church worship band. The pastor told him he would have to be “less gay” if he wanted to keep playing for the church. They meant that he would have to control his flamboyance, colorful clothing, and expressive hand movements. The boy left the church.
A lesbian received the highest performance score possible from her supervisor, only to be terminated a month later (when she was outed). The employer told her they were letting her go because she “failed to complete her pre-performance evaluation form on time.”
Questions to ask before coming out
A 17-year-old gay male was playing guitar for his church worship band. The pastor told him he would have to be “less gay” if he wanted to keep playing for the church. They meant that he would have to control his flamboyance, colorful clothing, and expressive hand movements. The boy left the church.
A lesbian received the highest performance score possible from her supervisor, only to be terminated a month later (when she was outed). The employer told her they were letting her go because she “failed to complete her pre-performance evaluation form on time.”
Questions to ask before coming out
- How comfortable are you with gay sexuality?
- Are you familiar with and active in the local GLB support groups in your area?
- Are you knowledgeable enough about your sexuality to explain your feelings to others?
- Why come out now? Are there advantages to waiting?
- Can you handle the possible loss of my relationship with parents, siblings and friends?
- Are you financially dependent on my parents?
- Do you have a place to live if you are thrown out of my home?
- What would you do if you lost your job or were suspended/expelled from school?
- Are you ready for possible harassment, discrimination or physical abuse?
- Who can you depend on for support?
Best motives
The likelihood of a positive resolution will also depend on the client’s motive for coming out. Clients who desire to tear down the wall of secrecy between themselves and their parents are in the best position.
The client should honestly examine the reason for discussing this topic with his or her parents. The client must acknowledge the risks involved and carefully consider each step.
For these reasons, it is not surprising that many GLB students stay in the closet during their university experience, though there are a growing number of students seeking leadership and belonging with the GLBT community (Renn & Ozaki, 2010).
The likelihood of a positive resolution will also depend on the client’s motive for coming out. Clients who desire to tear down the wall of secrecy between themselves and their parents are in the best position.
The client should honestly examine the reason for discussing this topic with his or her parents. The client must acknowledge the risks involved and carefully consider each step.
For these reasons, it is not surprising that many GLB students stay in the closet during their university experience, though there are a growing number of students seeking leadership and belonging with the GLBT community (Renn & Ozaki, 2010).
Strategic Outness
Strategic outness is the contextual and continual management of identity in which people are never fully ‘out’ or ‘closeted’. From this perspective, three main themes emerge: disclosure strategies, motivations, and social relationships…. Reconsidering coming out as strategic outness, coming out becomes more than an aspect of identity development.
Admonishing ‘closeted’ individuals to come out ignores the reality that the goal of complete disclosure is impossible. While possibly once a wise political strategy, it now feeds a polarizing dichotomy of ‘honest’ gays and those ‘living a lie’. If we conceive of coming out in these terms, then it makes a vision of a ‘post-gay’ world (Savin-Williams, 2006) more palpable, but it ignores the reality of the explosive consequences of a gay identity and stigmatizes gay men’s protective practices (p. 210).
Orne, J. (2011). ‘You will always have to 'out' yourself': Reconsidering coming out through strategic outness. Sexualities, 14(6), 681-703. doi:10.1177/1363460711420462
Strategic outness is the contextual and continual management of identity in which people are never fully ‘out’ or ‘closeted’. From this perspective, three main themes emerge: disclosure strategies, motivations, and social relationships…. Reconsidering coming out as strategic outness, coming out becomes more than an aspect of identity development.
Admonishing ‘closeted’ individuals to come out ignores the reality that the goal of complete disclosure is impossible. While possibly once a wise political strategy, it now feeds a polarizing dichotomy of ‘honest’ gays and those ‘living a lie’. If we conceive of coming out in these terms, then it makes a vision of a ‘post-gay’ world (Savin-Williams, 2006) more palpable, but it ignores the reality of the explosive consequences of a gay identity and stigmatizes gay men’s protective practices (p. 210).
Orne, J. (2011). ‘You will always have to 'out' yourself': Reconsidering coming out through strategic outness. Sexualities, 14(6), 681-703. doi:10.1177/1363460711420462
Transgender
Four themes were identified: (a) vocational experiences in which work experiences impacted perceptions of well-being, (b) personal growth and coming out in which participants described choices related to coming out in relation to well-being, (c) acceptance was discussed in terms of how well-being was influenced by internal acceptance of self and acceptance from others, and (d) identity in which participants shared thoughts on gender identity and its impact on relationships and community. The ACA competencies are applied to the model.
Walinsky, D., & Whitcomb, D. (2010). Using the ACA Competencies for counseling with transgender clients to increase rural transgender well-being. Journal Of LGBT Issues In Counseling, 4(3-4), 160-175.
Four themes were identified: (a) vocational experiences in which work experiences impacted perceptions of well-being, (b) personal growth and coming out in which participants described choices related to coming out in relation to well-being, (c) acceptance was discussed in terms of how well-being was influenced by internal acceptance of self and acceptance from others, and (d) identity in which participants shared thoughts on gender identity and its impact on relationships and community. The ACA competencies are applied to the model.
Walinsky, D., & Whitcomb, D. (2010). Using the ACA Competencies for counseling with transgender clients to increase rural transgender well-being. Journal Of LGBT Issues In Counseling, 4(3-4), 160-175.
Transgender Outness
It is important to realize that most young children who experience gender incongruence will not seek sexual reassignment surgery as adults (Green, 1987).
Unlike being LGB, transsexuals cannot hide their transition.
It is usually best to write a brief, short coming out letter. For example,
I've spoken to some of you about my gender issues. For the rest of you, it might surprise you to learn that I have struggled with gender-dysphoria for most of my life.
Though I have tried living in the male role, it has simply become too emotionally draining. As such, I am planning to transition gender presentations in the fall.
In preparation for this, I am in the legal process of changing my name and gender. My name will legally be changed to XXXXXXXX in March.
Please let me know if you have any questions about the process. I realize this is a rare situation, and it may elicit many different emotions and queries. I am open to exploring concerns with each of you, and I look forward to strengthening our relationship through this process.
See It gets better (for Transwomen facing transition) - http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/entry/3008/
It is important to realize that most young children who experience gender incongruence will not seek sexual reassignment surgery as adults (Green, 1987).
Unlike being LGB, transsexuals cannot hide their transition.
It is usually best to write a brief, short coming out letter. For example,
I've spoken to some of you about my gender issues. For the rest of you, it might surprise you to learn that I have struggled with gender-dysphoria for most of my life.
Though I have tried living in the male role, it has simply become too emotionally draining. As such, I am planning to transition gender presentations in the fall.
In preparation for this, I am in the legal process of changing my name and gender. My name will legally be changed to XXXXXXXX in March.
Please let me know if you have any questions about the process. I realize this is a rare situation, and it may elicit many different emotions and queries. I am open to exploring concerns with each of you, and I look forward to strengthening our relationship through this process.
See It gets better (for Transwomen facing transition) - http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/entry/3008/
Some transgender folks decide to go "stealth" instead of coming out openly. There are two forms of stealth: 1) situational stealth and 2) deep stealth. The latter is very difficult. They will break from all family and friends and start life immersed in their desired gender. Although there are obvious benefits to this approach, the costs are enormous, and it is difficult to succeed.
Culture
Gay men and their families act out their scripts of 'knowing', ‘not knowing’ and ‘pretending not to know’, and play by the ‘rules of the game’.
In Peru, The term caleta can be a positive label that many men with homosexual experiences embrace as a ‘private identity’. It does not question these men’s public sexual and gender identity as ‘heterosexuals’ and ‘masculine’ men. They are not gay men; they are just ‘playing around’ with other men.
Vasquez del Aguila, E. (2012). 'God forgives the sin but not the scandal': Coming out in a transnational context – between sexual freedom and cultural isolation. Sexualities, 15(2), 207-224
Gay men and their families act out their scripts of 'knowing', ‘not knowing’ and ‘pretending not to know’, and play by the ‘rules of the game’.
In Peru, The term caleta can be a positive label that many men with homosexual experiences embrace as a ‘private identity’. It does not question these men’s public sexual and gender identity as ‘heterosexuals’ and ‘masculine’ men. They are not gay men; they are just ‘playing around’ with other men.
Vasquez del Aguila, E. (2012). 'God forgives the sin but not the scandal': Coming out in a transnational context – between sexual freedom and cultural isolation. Sexualities, 15(2), 207-224
What do you say to a teenager coming out?
LGB
Trans
LGB
- Proud of you.
- I admire your courage.
- You are the same person to me.
- I’m glad you will find love.
Trans
- You will always be beautiful to me.
- This helps me understand you better.
- I hope we can be even better friends now.
- Please know I will always be here for support.
Coming out at work
The 3 phases
Within these 3 phases, the following 5 major themes emerged:
Budge, S. L., Tebbe, E. N., & Howard, K. S. (2010). The work experiences of transgender individuals: Negotiating the transition and career decision-making processes. Journal Of Counseling Psychology, 57(4), 377-393. doi:10.1037/a0020472
Here's a good sample letter about coming at work:
http://www.ohio.edu/lgbt/resources/transcomingouttoprofessors.cfm
The 3 phases
- pretransition phase,
- during the transition phase, and
- posttransition phase.
Within these 3 phases, the following 5 major themes emerged:
- preparation for the work transition,
- coming out at work,
- presentation and appearance at work,
- others' reactions at work, and
- affective/coping experiences related to work.
Budge, S. L., Tebbe, E. N., & Howard, K. S. (2010). The work experiences of transgender individuals: Negotiating the transition and career decision-making processes. Journal Of Counseling Psychology, 57(4), 377-393. doi:10.1037/a0020472
Here's a good sample letter about coming at work:
http://www.ohio.edu/lgbt/resources/transcomingouttoprofessors.cfm
School
In one study, 90% of principals reported having heard antigay slurs in their school, but only 21% initiated changes to their school’s policy (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network & Harris Interactive, 2008)
Finding a community
- 65% of British school-aged kids experienced homophobic bullying at school.
- Almost all respondents had been chastised for their presentation.
- 17% had experienced death threats.
- Lack of support from teachers
In one study, 90% of principals reported having heard antigay slurs in their school, but only 21% initiated changes to their school’s policy (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network & Harris Interactive, 2008)
Finding a community
Multimedia Project (coming up)
Please make this video as professional as possible. If you can, please download some editing software (e.g., video pad - http://download.cnet.com/VideoPad-Free-Video-Editor/3000-13631_4-75742510.html?tag=mncol;2)
Your grade will stem from also using research in your video, so be sure to 1) script the video well, 2) reference at least one study, and 3) edit the video so that it looks professional and well designed.
My goal is that you could create something like the first five minutes of this video:
Please make this video as professional as possible. If you can, please download some editing software (e.g., video pad - http://download.cnet.com/VideoPad-Free-Video-Editor/3000-13631_4-75742510.html?tag=mncol;2)
Your grade will stem from also using research in your video, so be sure to 1) script the video well, 2) reference at least one study, and 3) edit the video so that it looks professional and well designed.
My goal is that you could create something like the first five minutes of this video:
Of course, you probably won't know anyone who is going through something this directly connected to the class, but it would be helpful to interview some people, show some research, and edit the interviews to flow.
The content is much more important than the production value.
Also, when uploading the videos to the module, Blackboard doesn't say something helpful like, "Loading." It just looks like it's frozen. But it's really uploading.
Sometimes, it's easier to upload the video to youtube and then to provide the link in Blackboard. Just be sure your interviewees are okay with posting on youtube. You can make the youtube videos private. If you do, please add my google email to the list of approved viewers ([email protected])
Here is a video from last quarter, to give you an idea of what a "good" student video looks like:
The content is much more important than the production value.
Also, when uploading the videos to the module, Blackboard doesn't say something helpful like, "Loading." It just looks like it's frozen. But it's really uploading.
Sometimes, it's easier to upload the video to youtube and then to provide the link in Blackboard. Just be sure your interviewees are okay with posting on youtube. You can make the youtube videos private. If you do, please add my google email to the list of approved viewers ([email protected])
Here is a video from last quarter, to give you an idea of what a "good" student video looks like: